


June Come He Will

by doieagenda



Series: Places we won't walk [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Coming of Age, First Kiss, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hyuck is a country boy, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slice of Life, Summer, renhyuck, sun metaphors, youth and childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27506854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doieagenda/pseuds/doieagenda
Summary: The sun shone brightly on them but somehow, this boy shone brighter than the sun.-In which Renjun comes to visit the countryside every summer.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Series: Places we won't walk [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104320
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	June Come He Will

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I am back again with another Renhyuck fic! Are we even surprised? Nope, not really. 
> 
> Anyway,,, this is the most personal fic I've ever written so I hope you love it as much as I did writing it <3 Also I'm posting this before my exams so I don't forget hehe I've been putting off posting this for weeks now. 
> 
> Title is inspired from Simon&Garfunkel's song April Come She May :D

The first time Renjun saw him, they were seven.

He was crouched over a pond, smiling at the little tadpoles that slithered through the sharp crevices of the rocks. The sun shone brightly on them but somehow, this boy shone brighter than the sun.

Renjun hides behind the tree, admiring how the boy puts his hands in the water and talks to the different creatures in it. He peeps a little more so he could see the tadpoles, or frogs, or fish, or whatever that boy is talking to. But not really unlocking the coordination of a proper individual yet, he stumbles and makes himself known to the boy.

Whipping his head to look at a very embarrassed Renjun, he cracks a smile. He was already missing one of his front teeth.

He offers Renjun a hand and he grabs it, avoiding the gaze of the boy who looks like the sun birthed him.

“You’re not from here,” He states as if it wasn’t obvious enough. Renjun sticks out like a sore thumb in this rural territory. The acres and acres of land and the tall yellow grasses were foreign to him as he was to them. He always was surrounded by buildings, passed by cars bigger than he’ll ever be.

He wasn’t made to be here, he thinks. He misses cable tv, his video game console, he misses home.

“I’m just visiting my aunt.”

“Oh, how long are you staying?” He asks.

“I don’t know. 2 weeks I think.”

“I’m Donghyuck. Wanna see the tadpoles with me?” He beams, flashing his incomplete smile. Renjun looks at the pond and then to the boy who was expectantly waiting for his response.

“Sure.”

And that was that.

Donghyuck brought him to different parts of the quaint and quiet town. Hand in hand, they roamed around as if they owned the land there. It was as if Donghyuck imbued his sun magic on Renjun that he suddenly found outdoors fun.

They drew and sketched under the shade of a big tree. Renjun didn’t catch the name but he doesn’t think he can remember it either way.

“What’s it like in the city?”

“It’s cool.”

“Oh, do buildings move? Like they’re gonna swallow you.”

Renjun doesn’t understand what that meant. Buildings just stand there, how can it swallow him? Unsure of how to answer the curious boy, he opts to just shrug.

“That’s you and that’s me,” Donghyuck says, proudly of the art he’s made. He shows the paper with sketches of skyscrapers and buildings and in the middle of it all, there are two stick figures holding hands.

Renjun colors in the last ray of the sun he was drawing and shoots Donghyuck a playful smile.

“This is you.”

They laugh at each other and their drawings. Renjun never felt this free before. Summers in the city were alright but he never felt like he could do anything under the sun.

Donghyuck brought him to different ponds as they counted the tadpoles in each, wishing them a good life. Renjun hates frogs, but he guesses tadpoles are alright when they bring a silly smile to Donghyuck’s face.

It felt like summer was endless as he hung out with Donghyuck. But summer has to end some time.

On his last day, he finds himself meeting up with Donghyuck near the pond they first met at.

“Promise me you’ll visit again?” Donghyuck tells him, eyes shining with innocent hope. He stretches out his pinkie, waiting for Renjun to link his finger with it, but he never knows what’s in store for him. Nevertheless, he pinkie promises.

“Promise.”

Renjun sees him again 4 years later.

Coming back to the countryside felt like deja vu for him. All his memories here about watching tadpoles, drawing under big trees, and playing with a certain honey-skinned boy felt like such distant memories. Like if he were to reach his hand, it wouldn’t even touch the start of the threads of that time.

But he was back under the same tree, sketchbook under his arms and pencil case filled to the brim with sharpened pencils.

He sits down, leaning against the trunk and depending on the tree’s leaves to shield him from the sweltering heat of the sun. He sighs and looks around to find something to draw.

Renjun had been interested in art nowadays but he never really got past drawing one realistic eye without making the other look wonky. That is as far as his artistic capabilities go right now. But he was told that the landscapes here in the country would help him unwind and it might even give him inspiration. Might probably make him draw anything else other than uneven eyes.

It wasn’t the landscape that did though.

It was the sunny boy he met when he was seven and like magic, he appears in front of Renjun.

“Hi,” Donghyuck waves. Renjun closes his empty sketchbook consciously and smiles at him tightly.

“Hello.”

Suddenly the threads of time flew closer to his touch. Like it wasn’t so distant anymore because here they are again, face to face.

Donghyuck smiles, a boyish charm to him and Renjun notices his perfect set of teeth. Unlike when they were children, his smile was blinding now. Nothing else changed as much though. He still looked like how he was when they were seven but now, he’s taller, cheeks fuller, eyes livelier.

“What are you drawing?” He asks, taking a seat beside Renjun just like taking where they left off before. He opens his empty sketchbook and reveals the blank pages.

“I don’t know what to draw yet,” Renjun mumbles, closing the book again. A faint breeze goes through them and Donghyuck’s curly hair whips Renjun on the face, making them giggle.

“I missed you,” Donghyuck says genuinely. Renjun turns to him and smiles for the first time since they got there.

“Me too.”

It was as if the four years in between never existed. Like Renjun was meant to be here all along, together with Donghyuck.

The other boy took a liking to books, he says to Renjun. Retelling all his favorite stories, and showing him the towers and stacks in his room like it’s his life mission to read all of it.

It probably is.

What catches Renjun’s attention is how in every page that Donghyuck says is his favorite, pressed flowers are used as markers.

“Pressed flowers?”

He nods, flipping another page of the book he’s currently reading. Renjun touches it delicately. He isn’t versed in flowers, so he doesn’t know what the flower on this page is.

“What’s this?” Renjun asks him, thumbing over the red flower.

“It’s a red chrysanthemum,” He utters distractedly, reading through the last page of the book he’s been holding. Renjun nods though he doesn’t know what it’s for.

“What does it mean?”

“It means I love you,” Donghyuck tells him, setting his book aside and facing Renjun. He points to something in the middle of the book and Renjun’s eyes follow his fingers.

“Look, the main character says it to the love of his life. He said I love you. Chrysanthemums mean I love you,” He tells him like it’s the most obvious thing on Earth.

“Oh.”

He stands up taking two more books from his bookshelf and flips it over to a marked page. “Look here, this is a magnolia. And then here, the king is regarded as nobility. Guess what magnolia means.”

“Nobility?”

“You’re pretty smart, Renjun,” Donghyuck teases to which Renjun responds with a light punch to the shoulder. He takes the other book and carefully flips through the pages, trying not to spill the flowers in between each page.

“Here,” he says, showing Renjun the page.

“It’s a leaf,” Renjun deadpans. Donghyuck rolls his eyes, like Renjun committed a crime against him.

“It’s a _fern_ ,” He corrects him, rolling his eyes. Renjun really doesn’t know the difference, all leaves look the same to him.

“What does it mean?”

“Magic.”

Donghyuck can be a fern, Renjun thinks. There is magic in the way he smiles, in the way he laughs and in the way he talks about his books while Renjun tries to draw the vast fields that surround the two of them. It’s like he bathed in magic beneath a veiled sun.

He was an enigma that was calling for Renjun to unravel. But of course, his pre-teen mind can’t fathom how he must work.

All summer in his stay there, Donghyuck was with him and not once did they spend a day apart. Unfortunately, for the second time in their lifetime, summer ends.

Renjun comes back again one summer later.

By this time, his drawing skills have improved tremendously. However, he finds himself drawing flowers, drawing sun-swept plains. Finds himself drawing Donghyuck.

It was as if images of past summers consume his mind like a sickness.

Donghyuck meets him again. This time a guitar in his hand, rather than a book.

“I’m practicing how to sing,” He tells Renjun as a matter of factly. “I’m not so good with guitar yet.”

And he really wasn’t. His fingers clumsily scurry over to get to the strings right on time and he complains about the calluses forming on his fingers, but it makes him happy. Renjun can see that, especially in how bright he was beaming when he hits the right note, and when his fingers land on the exact strings for the chord he wanted to play.

“Do you still draw?” He asks, after playing Renjun a three-chord song. Renjun nods, opening his sketchbook. Immediately, he skips the pages where he tried to draw faces and anatomy, shy about how he drew Donghyuck’s face.

He shows him the sketches of the flowers he showed him two years ago, the sketches of different buildings and a random candle.

“You skipped a couple of pages.”

“Yeah, those are top secret,” Renjun says. He quickly closes the book, and smiles at Donghyuck. He whines, and pokes Renjun’s sides, trying to get him to open it again.

A stupid, hearty laugh spills out as Donghyuck pokes his tickle spot, and they find themselves having a spontaneous tickle fight. Renjun ends up conceding and yielding to the other boy, not with a heavy heart though.

He feels like he’d always let Donghyuck win.

“Alright, alright. You’re so violent.”

Donghyuck cackles and shoves him a little. “How is tickling violent?”

“It just is.”

Renjun bites the insides of his cheek and takes a deep breath before opening the forbidden pages of his sketchbook. He hears the other gasp and he looks over to him and sees Donghyuck’s mouth hinged open.

“Is this me?” He asks a blushing Renjun. He nods and flips the page to where he was practicing drawing faces.

“Those are my eyes,” Donghyuck points out. He nods again, and lets out the breath he’s been holding. He was so careful not to reveal these pages to anyone, even his close friends back at home but here he is, showing it to the person he wanted to hide it from the most.

“This looks amazing, Renjun.”

“They’re just warm up sketches.”

Donghyuck looks at him straight in the eyes. Renjun felt so awkward but he looked back into those dark pupils. “No really, this is amazing.”

“Thanks.”

Renjun’s parents and art teacher tells him he has a sharp eye for beauty. So if Donghyuck gets his magic and strength from the sun, Renjun gets his from finding beauty in everything else. He finds the beauty in the sunset on the hill that Donghyuck brought him to.

The colors of the sky, bringing him immense peace and happiness. They sit there, with silence between them. Only the sounds of the insects and leaves reverberated around the small world they created only for themselves as the indigo hues deepen, and daylight wanes over the hills and the trees.

And for several days, Renjun and Donghyuck hike up the hill to watch the sunset.

“I love colors,” Renjun tells him randomly, as he stares up into the ombre of red, pink, and orange. “But I think sunset palettes are my favorite.”

Donghyuck smiles at him. “What color do you think I am?”

Renjun mulls it over and memories of Donghyuck grinning, running around with him in a field flashes in his mind. Suddenly Donghyuck talking to tadpoles while he is freckled by the afternoon light comes to his mind. All of it was bright and brilliant.

“Yellow. I think you’re a yellow,” Renjun utters, he takes it back though. “No, I think you’re definitely gold.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

They sit back comfortably until Renjun asks the other about what color he was. Donghyuck answers right away, as if he thinks about it everyday.

“Purple.”

“Really? Most people would think I’m red,” Renjun muses but Donghyuck just shakes his head. “You know, ‘cause I get angry easily.”

“You know that purple is the color of royalty right?” Renjun nods his head. “You’re purple because you hold yourself with grace. Like you’re not as intense as red, but it’s still a relatively strong color. ”

He feels the blood rise up to his ears and his cheeks about what Donghyuck said about him. It occurs to him that the two of them are on the opposite sides of the color wheel. It intrigued him a little.

“Purple and gold are complementary colors,” Renjun states. “You know that?”

Donghyuck raises a curious brow and pushes his bangs away from his eyes. “No.”

“They’re on opposite sides of each other in the color wheel and when they’re mixed they cancel each other out.”

The other boy hums, deep in thought, as Renjun continues his ramble about the color wheel. “But when they are placed next to each other, they create a strong contrast.”

“Which means?”

“They look better together.”

Donghyuck nods, and smiles at Renjun who suddenly got shy about geeking out about colors. He scoots a few centimeters away from Donghyuck.

“That’s beautiful. Tell me more.”

Renjun carries on about complementary colors until the sun completely hides from them and a starry, blue velvet night replaced day.

“Colors are cool,” Donghyuck says, decisively. Renjun agrees with him and tells him colors are beautiful like the flowers he uses to mark the pages of his books.

It’s amazing how on that night, Renjun sees their friendship not as just two people who meet when summer permits it, but as colors who are strong on their own but are better together.

Many sunsets passed after Renjun came back to that small town. They arrived a little bit early this year seeing that his aunt is sick and no one else is available to tend to her. Renjun isn’t even finished with school yet. Not that he’s complaining though.

His mom urges him to go out and explore the town (as if he hasn’t explored enough through the years) while her and his aunt catch up on life. He follows her and takes his painting kit with him and his fresh sketchbook, and goes to the big tree that he’s always frequented.

He wonders about Donghyuck since it’s been three years since they last saw each other. He wonders if he still likes books, or if he’s improved on playing the guitar, or if he’s simply just doing well. Renjun thinks as he paints the yellow green fields before him.

“I was wondering where you were,” A voice says, making him jump in surprise. He turns around to see Donghyuck, looking like he ran a marathon. “I went to your aunt’s house but your mom told me you were out.”

“Yay! You found me,” He tells him playfully. Donghyuck rolls his eyes and wipes the sweat on his temples.

Renjun takes a good look at him and feels the blood rush to his cheeks at how different Donghyuck looks now. Compared to him, Renjun looks like he was stuck in a 12 year old’s body. Donghyuck aged beautifully, his round cheeks rid of fat made him look more mature and his boyish charm was replaced with something else. Renjun can’t point his finger on it, but something was different about this Donghyuck. It was like he exuded so much confidence and self-assurance it made Renjun feel ridiculously small.

Donghyuck takes a seat beside Renjun, and like the other times they’ve been here before, he acts like the years in between were just seconds passing.

“You got braces?” Donghyuck asks him. Renjun purses his lips and tilts his head away from him. “Don’t worry it’s cute. But your snaggle tooth was cuter.”

Once again, a stupid blush comes up on Renjun’s face. Trying to shake off the tingly feelings in his stomach, he looks at Donghyuck again but regrets it as the other was so set on making eye contact with him.

“The dentist said I needed it.”

“The dentist was stupid, I think,” He quips, making Renjun burst out in a silly fit of laughter. At least, his personality was still the same, he thinks.

He was a little apprehensive about the sudden gift of puberty to Donghyuck since he’s seen how it changes people. Like Yukhei who he was friends with before but became distant after becoming insanely beautiful. But good thing Donghyuck was still here on Earth, and it eases him into thinking that maybe this isn’t such a bad thing after all.

They chatted mostly about school and how Donghyuck still had final exams to finish. Renjun tells him about his leave of absence and how he’s glad he’s out of school early. The truth under all that is he really had a choice not to join his mom here but something inside him misses the magic that happens when he visits.

It’s a world of its own and him and Donghyuck were the ones who own it.

Renjun talks about how he’s tried painting but mostly about how he hates oil paints more than anything else.

He loathes them, he says to a confused Donghyuck.

“I don’t understand the difference but,” He utters casually, but flashes Renjun a comforting grin. “I’m sure you’ll be great at it.”

“You believe in me too much,” Renjun whispers, tilting his head away from Donghyuck to hide the small smile fighting to break out of his face.

“Of course, I’m just returning the favor.”

“Favor?”

“You believe in me too,” Donghyuck lilts. “Right?”

Renjun turns to look at him with the sincerest gaze and lets the smile out on his face. “Of course, I always have.”

Donghyuck didn’t have the luxury of time, especially with his exams coming that week. Renjun assured him it’s fine that he doesn’t have to go to his aunt’s house so he can study.

“C’mon, I really don’t mind going to your house. I like seeing you,” Donghyuck whines. He just chuckles and shoves him out the gate.

“I mind, you really need to study.”

Donghyuck pouts and slumps his shoulders. “But I promise once your exams end, you can come here.”

A content smile grows on his face as he bids Renjun farewell. “Good luck on your exams! Use that big brain of yours!”

As soon as Renjun comes in, his mom looks at him with a knowing look on her face. He purses his lips and awkwardly pockets his hands.

 _“Donghyuck grew up to be such a handsome boy!”_ She gushes in Mandarin. Renjun just nods.

 _“That boy is such a gem,”_ Renjun’s aunt says weakly, but she had a very big smile on her pale face. _“He comes over to help me sometimes in the store. He asks about you, Jun.”_

His eyes grow big and that usual blush that graces his cheeks when Donghyuck is mentioned shows. _“Me?”_

_“Yeah, I’m sure you missed him as much as he misses you.”_

To that, Renjun also just nods.

Without him, Renjun stayed cooped up in his room and painted. Sometimes when his mom forces him to get some air, he goes to the tree (which he finds out is an Asian Ginkgo tree), and when he felt like it, he went up the hill to look at the stars. He realizes one afternoon stroll that exploring the town on his own wasn’t the same as doing it with Donghyuck.

But of course, it would be. He has magic in every sliver of his being.

Donghyuck’s exam week passed by like a breeze because just after three days, Renjun finds him outside his house holding two birthday hats.

“What are the caps for? You finished an exam, not celebrating a birthday.”

The other beams cheekily and places the cone on Renjun’s head excitedly. “Actually, it’s both.”

It took a few seconds for it to click in his brain that it is the other boy’s birthday. His eyes go big as he jumps to hug Donghyuck. He hooks his arms around Renjun almost automatically and smiles contently, his breath fanning Renjun’s neck.

“Happy birthday, Hyuckie.”

“Thanks.”

Renjun lets go first and panic slowly seeps in his bones as it registers that he doesn’t have a gift. Actually, he doesn’t know that it was his birthday, seeing that the other and him don’t talk about things like that.

Because if they did, he'd definitely remember it. Like every other detail that the sun had shown him.

“I don’t have a gift, I didn’t know it was your birthday! Wait. Let me go inside to ge-” He rambles but was cut off when Donghyuck shakes him.

“Renjun, it’s fine.”

“What?” He asks, dumbfounded.

“It’s fine that you don’t have a gift,” Donghyuck chimes. “This is the first time that I’m gonna celebrate with you here.”

He stares again, and snaps out of it a little after Donghyuck laughs. “I swear, Huang Renjun. Your presence only is fine with me.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Renjun drags, throwing him an uncertain look. Donghyuck throws his arms around his shoulders and guides him as they walk along the empty street. He lets the other boy drag him to where he wants him.

Anywhere with him was fine with Renjun.

“My friends are going to go,” Donghyuck warns him before they enter his house. In all the years Renjun visited, he’s never met Donghyuck’s friends. A vague emotion bubbles in the pits of his stomach but he swallows it down and forces a smile.

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, they’re really nice. I feel like you’ll like them.”

And he was right. The moment his two friends enter, boisterous laughs can be heard from where Renjun was anxiously sitting down. They walk in and spot Renjun. Donghyuck lets his two friends face him and he awkwardly stands straight up.

“Renjun. This is Chenle and Minhyung,” Donghyuck says, pointing to the two boys who were amiably smiling at him. He returns their friendliness with a tightlipped smile and a small wave.

“Gege! Hyuck always talked about you!” Chenle, the younger one it seems, says to him. Renjun giggles from excitement when he hears him speak in Chinese. He didn’t really have any Chinese friends apart from Yangyang whose Mandarin is subpar so meeting another one who shares his mother tongue is fascinating to him. “I thought when he tells your stories, you were imaginary.”

Endeared, Renjun laughs heartily and pats Chenle’s shoulder. “Well, I’m here now.”

“Don’t leave me out, I can’t understand Mandarin. Only hello,” Minhyung jeers with a non-threatening tone. Renjun turns his head to Minhyung chuckles.

“Call me Mark, by the way. I like it better than Minhyung.”

“Mark,” He repeats, liking the way it rolls off his tongue. “Okay.”

Donghyuck coos at the sight that beholds him and hugs the three of his closest friends. “I’m so glad you are getting along but don’t leave me out, you freaks.”

Renjun and Mark punch him on the shoulder jokingly and he dramatically falls to the ground. “Betrayed by my own kind,” he wheezes. Renjun rolls his eyes at the other boy’s dramatics and looks forward to this day.

The birthday boy’s mom takes out a homemade chocolate cake and they all gather around the garden table. Renjun always loved this part of Donghyuck’s house because of the plants and flowers.

Still to this day, he isn’t well-versed in botany but the beauty of it all looks like he’s been submerged in Alice in Wonderland’s small world. Pools of light surround them as the tall shrubs provide them enough shade from the summer heat, but even that can’t protect them from how bright Donghyuck is right now.

He was splendid and blazing but it was amazing. They sang him the birthday song, with Chenle squealing on the top of his lungs. Renjun claps along noncommittally with the rest of them and he grins as Donghyuck closes his eyes tight and clasps his hands together.

“Blow up, Hyuck!” Mark encourages.

He blows the candle and beams at his friends. “Cake time!”

He messily and unevenly slices the cake which makes the three of them (Renjun, Mark, and Chenle) groan at the same time. It makes Renjun feel like they’ve known each other for years when in reality, it hasn’t been a full hour since he’s met Donghyuck’s friends.

He notices that Mark and Chenle are all extensions of Donghyuck’s entirety so he guesses that’s why he fits exactly where they fall empty.

“I wonder why you didn’t introduce Chenle and Mark to me earlier, they were cool,” He tells Donghyuck as they were cleaning up the garden table. The other two left early… well, it wasn’t early. The sun was already replaced by the moon, stars were already visible. If anything Renjun just didn’t have anything else to do or fulfill, so staying behind is always an option.

Besides, it’s Donghyuck’s birthday still. Every second with Donghyuck is worth ten bags of gold.

At least for him.

“Mark lived here before but they moved to Canada the year you visited. They just got back here. I met Chenle through Mark last year.”

“Oh.”

“They were cool, you say?” He smirks, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Renjun nods, preparing himself for whatever Donghyuck has in mind. “So who’s cooler, me or them?”

Renjun snorts and gives him a very teasing look, “Of course, it’s them. You’ve never been cool.”  
There wasn’t any venom in his voice, but Donghyuck returns it with a threatening and impish look.

“Ah, so you’re doing it like that,” He challenges. In a quick second, he chases him with cake frosting on the ends of his fingertips, ready to wipe whatever on Renjun’s face. He sprints away from the birthday boy and sneakily takes frosting on his fingers too.

It continued on with them chasing each other, with cake frosting on their faces, their hairs, and everywhere else. Laughing, Renjun lies down on the grassy patches of Donghyuck’s mom’s garden. The other follows suit and fits of giggles spill from his mouth.

This feels nice, Renjun thinks. For the first time in a while, he feels his youth come back to him. In the city, it felt as if it was sucked out of him so early, that every waking second he tries to win it back, it just keeps being stolen from him. One step forward, two steps back.

With Donghyuck it’s so easy to feel like a child again. To feel the remnants of childhood again. Sixteen isn’t that old yet, but right now, he feels like he’s seven again watching Donghyuck talk to tadpoles from behind a tree. Beside him, Donghyuck was smiling contently so he can’t help but mirror the same smile. Everything was warm and everything was bright when he’s with Donghyuck.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck mutters carefully. He turns his head to look at Donghyuck who was fiddling with his fingers. He hums in question and the other sighs.

“I have a request.”

Renjun hums again.

“Can you-” he starts but shakes his head. “Nevermind.”

“What is it?”

“No, it’s fine. It was stupid.”

Renjun sits up and looks at him seriously. Donghyuck sits up like him and sighs.

“Hyuck, it’s alright. You can trust me,” He inclines reassuringly.

“Can you kiss me?” Donghyuck requests, turning away from Renjun. It takes him a little long to process the request but he feels something bloom in his insides. Donghyuck laughs it off awkwardly and flips it off with this hand.

“I just want to make sure whether I-”

“I’ll do it,” Renjun declares surprising both himself and Donghyuck. He doesn’t know what pushed him to agree when he doesn’t know anything about kissing or that sort of stuff. Heck, he isn’t even sure himself if he likes boys or girls but the thought of it scares him.

However, it’s Donghyuck. He is the sun, and Renjun is just a planet. Wherever they’re together, his whole being revolves around Donghyuck.

“A-are you sure? You don’t look too certain and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” Donghyuck rambles nervously. Renjun just shakes his head and clears his throat.

“I’m sure about it, Hyuck.”

He stares at Donghyuck, his honey skin illuminated by the moonlight and the stars. Even at night, he doesn’t stop shining.

Donghyuck leans in, a bunch of awkward and clumsy limbs making its way to Renjun’s neck. He closes his eyes and presses their lips together. It was graceless, as uncoordinated as a first kiss could be. Renjun’s braces get in the way which elicits a tiny, breathy laugh from Donghyuck.

Strangely enough, this didn’t feel weird to Renjun. But it felt scary, liking this too much. When they part, he realizes one thing.

He was absolutely scorched. He was burning because he went too close to the scalding heat of the sun.

Renjun had to act like everything was okay after that. He had to stay strong for Donghyuck who was exploring every aspect of himself. For Donghyuck who was uncertain whether he likes kissing boys. Boys like Renjun who were confused— if not, more— with himself.

“Thank you,” Donghyuck mumbles shyly. Renjun, who was at a loss for words, just nods and avoids his gaze.

“It’s getting late, I should get home,” He croaks out, feeling the words get stuck in his throat. Donghyuck just nods and leads him out of the garden into the house.

“Happy birthday, Hyuck,” He says, hugging him quickly and dashing out of the door.

When he walks out the gates of the Lee household, he feels suffocated. The air in this town was never polluted like the air in the city so breathing was never a problem for him. But now, it’s like his lungs forgot the one thing that it should be doing. It was as if walls were closing in on him, trying to tease him for taking the plunge.

For going too close to the sun.

The next day wasn’t any better. The light coming through the blinds momentarily pierces through his eyes and it stings. After everything, the moment he arrived in the confines of his room, his eyes started producing tears. He didn’t know why he was crying but he couldn’t stop. All Renjun thought of was Donghyuck and how much he liked kissing him.

Trying to calm himself down, he tries to rationalize it into something that is less harmful for him. People kiss without feelings, last night was just that. It was just a favor, and besides, it was Donghyuck’s birthday so it should mean less for him than it should be for Donghyuck.

Right?

So why doesn’t it feel that way.

Three knocks on his door cut his reverie and he grumbles a little.

“Jun! Donghyuck is here!”

“I’m sick! I can’t go out,” He excuses. It wasn’t exactly false since his nose is so runny and his body feels like all his bones got wet.

He hears his mom tell Donghyuck in a very accented Korean that he can’t go out right now. After he hears Donghyuck thank his mom, she goes into his room and sits on the edge of the bed.

_“Baobei, are you really sick?”_

Renjun nods and faces against her. His eyes probably were puffy and swollen from all the crying he did last night but he sniffs for good measure and curls up in a ball. She rubs his leg and sighs.

_“I’ll get you medicine.”_

_“Thank you, mama.”_

The following days were the same. He avoided Donghyuck. Well, he avoided everyone and tried so hard to comfort and calm whatever tempest is happening inside him. Under the guise of being sick, he stayed in bed and cried himself to sleep every night.

It was tiring, but he probably won’t stop until he figures out what was wrong with him.

Today, his mother was having none of it. She drags him out of bed and forces him to get some sun despite his stubborn attempts to play sick again.

That was what he was trying not to do the past few days. He still feels the scalds from the last time he got too much sun.

Unfortunately, he can’t win against his mother.

“I’m already busy taking care of your aunt, I don’t need another person to take care of.”

Renjun hated being a burden. He hates inflicting any kind of pain on other people, even if it was unintentional so he begrudgingly goes out of the house and walks to wherever his feet will take him.

His feet take him to the big gingko tree and he just sits there, trying to take in the scenery again. Beyond the vast fields, there was a barn and then beside it is the lake. Like the back of his hand, he’s memorized this image ever since he was seven yet it never gets old.

Staring into nothing did help him calm his thoughts a little. The flock of birds flying above his head helped him distract himself from whatever he was thinking or feeling. It was peaceful for a second until the one person that’s been causing all his inner turmoil shows up in front of him.

He was backlit by the sun-drenched skies and looked ethereal.

Renjun swallows that stupid lump in his throat and forces a smile.

“How are you feeling?” Donghyuck asks and sits beside him. He squirms and inconspicuously moves farther away.

“I’m doing better now, thanks for asking,” He replies stiffly.

“I missed you,” Donghyuck whispers, making him want to run away as far as possible.

He just stays silent, getting angrier at himself by the second. This was Donghyuck, everything was always easy with him yet why does the air feel heavy between them?

Perhaps Renjun’s presence is dampening. His confusion and denial is wrecking whatever him and Donghyuck have.

“I brought my dad’s car, do you wanna go for a drive?”

Renjun raises an eyebrow and Donghyuck just chuckles. “Don’t look at me like that, I know how to drive.”

“Okay, sure.”

He’s so stupid.

To his surprise, Donghyuck really knows how to drive. It wasn’t haphazard like he expected but it was actually nice. He rolls down the window because the tension in the car was smothering him to the point where his lungs are threatening to give up again.

Donghyuck had a little smile gracing his lips while he drove. He hums a tune unfamiliar to Renjun but for someone who’s been plaguing Renjun’s thoughts a lot, his humming seemed to calm him down.

They drove past the city proper and into another batch of fields. The crisp breeze hitting Renjun’s face just right and it brings out a ghostly smile on his face and suddenly, it feels like everything is alright again.

Donghyuck parks the car on a cliff overseeing a beach. The midday sun shoots arrows through the dappled water of the ocean, it is beautiful.

They both go out and sit on the hood of the car, a silence— bordering on comfortable and delicate— permeates between them.

“Were you avoiding me?” Donghyuck questions. Renjun wants to run away or jump. Anything to avoid answering and talking to the other. He purses his lips and stays silent, trying to pull together a string of words to compensate.

“Renjun?”

“I’m sorry,” he breathes.

“Why?” He asked gently but Renjun sensed how hurt he was. He really, really wants to run away and get himself together for Donghyuck. He doesn’t deserve this.

He sighs and looks distantly at the roaring waves beyond him. “I don’t know.”

“Is it because of me?” Donghyuck lilts. “Was it because I asked you to kiss me?”

Renjun looks away and swallows all the things he wants to say but can’t. He wants to assure him that he has nothing to do with Renjun being like this. He wants to tell him that everything is okay and that he didn’t cause whatever struggle he’s going through right now. But he knows. Renjun knows how big Donghyuck’s part is in sending him into overdrive.

“Renjun? You can tell me honestly,” He prods.

_Run away now. Run._

“I-”

_Am I ready to take the plunge again?_

“I-” He starts, feeling tears prickle through his eyes. “Yes.”

He looks at Donghyuck who just frowns. Renjun could hear two hearts break and he wants the sea to swallow him. Never let Donghyuck see him again.

“I’m so scared, Hyuck,” He mumbles, voice breaking in the process. “You’re my best friend and I trust you with everything that I have but when I kissed you, I liked it so much. I’ve never felt so terrified in my life. I don’t know what to make of it.”

“You’re scared?”

He nods and continues, “I liked it so much that I imagined us doing it a lot. I don’t know if I can accept myself like this, Hyuck. I- I’m so scared of everything and though I like it so much, it felt wrong.”

His lips tremble as he clutches to the hems of his shirt tightly. Donghyuck looks so hurt, the light in his eyes slowly dying out in front of Renjun.

_God, please. I never want to see that look on him again._

“But Renjun, you’re not alone. I’m just as confused as you are. We can get through this together,” Donghyuck rasps, intertwining his hands around Renjun’s reassuringly.

He pulls away and wipes the stray tears that fell from his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Can you drive me back? I don’t want to see anyone else.”

Quickly, the hurt in his eyes was replaced with fire. “I’m trying to help you, Renjun.”

“I don’t want your help,” He responds, venom lacing his voice. “Please, leave me alone so I can process this thing faster.”

_I just don’t want to hurt us both._

With a defeated sigh, Donghyuck hops off the hood into the driver’s seat. Renjun wipes off the tears off his face and follows him to the car.

The drive felt longer than what it really was. Renjun just kept chanting apologies in his brain, hoping it would translate well to Donghyuck, but that was impossible.

He just doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and he’s so tired of hurting himself. Renjun knows that when Donghyuck overcomes his confusion about his identity, he will accept himself because that’s just how he is. He doesn’t let anything else linger, doesn’t let anything or anyone dull his light. Renjun however, knows he will never have the same kind of acceptance for himself as much as Donghyuck has for himself. Until then, he doesn’t want to upset Donghyuck just because he can’t be his true self around Renjun.

Donghyuck drops him off at his aunt’s house. Renjun was hasty about getting out of that car and wanting to cry in the borders of his room but the other just opens his mouth to say something.

Like putting a last word between them.

“Just know that it’s as hard for me to accept myself as it is for you. Remember that this is a small town. Them finding out about me can ruin me. My parents probably won’t accept me fully at first, as well as Chenle and Mark. I’m as alone as you are in this situation, Renjun. Please,” He pleads, voice cracking. Donghyuck was broken.

Renjun did this.

“Let’s not struggle alone.”

Tiny crescents imprint themselves on Renjun’s palms as his nails dig into his flesh. Renjun trembles as he looks to Donghyuck one last time.

“I’m sorry, Hyuck.”

He escapes everything, trying to ignore the outside world for as long as they stay there. Donghyuck didn’t visit him and Renjun can’t figure out whether that’s a good or bad thing. He did this to himself now he’s just rotting away in his room, sometimes when he feels suffocated, he helps out his mom and his aunt. The guilt has been consuming him and it just pulls him down to a dark place.

Something compared to hell.

Summers in this town is hell when it’s not with Donghyuck.

Eventually, summer turns into fall and fall turns into winter. Lives were the same, he guesses. Because the same year in winter, his aunt passes. Renjun or his mom didn’t take the news well but it was Donghyuck’s mom who called them.

Suddenly, the magic in this town was gone, any residue of Renjun’s childhood vanished into thin air. Any semblance of the youth he spent here was nowhere to be found.

Unlike summer, winters in this town were bleak and it seems like the dismal weather etched itself onto the people, because everything was cold, and glum.

It was depressing.

Renjun expected to see Donghyuck again. It was a small town, everyone knew each other so it wasn’t surprising that he’d see Donghyuck in his aunt’s funeral. The rift between them made Renjun feel like he was a thousand miles away from Donghyuck. He was so close yet so far.

He ignored him, trying to attend to the neighbors, the friends, the other family members who tried to console Renjun. He accepted their condolences and their anecdotes about his aunt with a heavy heart.

Donghyuck sits beside him after he tired out his social battery but remained taciturn. An exchange of words between them was long overdue but neither one of them started talking.

Perhaps, if Renjun opens his mouth now, all of the things he’d been keeping for the past months will come spilling out. In the places where there was warmth, love, and friendship, there is now a hollow space for the things left unsaid.

He hears the other boy sigh and leave a comforting hand on his shoulder before walking away to somewhere. The traces of Donghyuck’s touch lingers on him, and he just wants to breathe again.

After what feels like forever in that cramped room filled with mourning people, Renjun excuses himself to get some air. Snow fell from the sun-withered skies and the roads were covered with a soft white blanket.

He hikes up to the hill, hoping to watch the sky as stars begin to blanket its expanse. There is a vacancy somewhere in Renjun’s being. Something that came from the months long tumult in his gut and from losing a loved one.

Well, loved ones. If he counted the time he lost Donghyuck last summer.

Tears welled up in Renjun’s eyes and courses down his cheeks like a river. It was probably his fault for everything that has happened. He’s such a bad person to himself, to his family, and to Donghyuck.

He sunk on his knees and started sobbing desolately. He did this to himself the moment he pushed everyone away, he thinks. The enormity of his grief, shame, and loneliness causing him to rain tears on the soil of the hill.

“I’m so sorry,” He wails to no one in particular. The cold air wraps around him yet he couldn’t care because there wasn’t anything left in the crackling blaze of the hearth inside of him.

He was crying because coming back to this town was pouring salt over an open wound and then impaling him again with the harsh realities of life. The pain just doesn’t stop and he was just angry at himself for feeling the things he thinks are wrong.

“Hey,” an all too familiar voice utters behind him. He bites on his lips to stop the sobs from flowing out and wipes his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. He turns around to see Donghyuck.

Of course, it had to be Lee Donghyuck.

He stares soullessly and digs his fingers in his palms, creating those moons that he hates so much. “I saw you leave and I followed you here.”

“Leave me alone,” he chokes out. Of course, Lee Donghyuck doesn’t listen to him and sits beside him even.

“What part of ‘leave me alone’ do you not understand?” He says tiredly.

_Please leave before you open up more wounds._

Donghyuck stays there quietly, not sparing Renjun a glance. Renjun opted to ignore his presence and continue on with crying but what surprised him was the soothing arm around him.

He was also surprised at how fast he melted into Donghyuck’s touch. Instead of fighting it, he just goes with it. Donghyuck holds him as he sobs all of his grief away. He holds him as if he will fall apart when he lets go.

Renjun probably will.

He sobs until his tear ducts run dry and until the cold is biting both of them. Donghyuck rubs his arm, trying to console whatever part of him is still consolable.

“I’m sorry about your aunt,” Donghyuck “She was the nicest person here.”

“Yeah, she was.”

There it was again, the hushed noise of the words that they can’t speak to each other. It was as if there was a wall between the two of them and Renjun is just building it up more and more.

“How have you been?” Donghyuck asks gently.

“I’ve been better,” Renjun tries to say jokingly, but fails miserably. Who is he kidding, he would be the last person on Earth who could pull off lightening the mood. That was Donghyuck’s job.

Despite his joking tone, Donghyuck looks at him seriously with his eyebrows tightly knit together. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean is I feel like crap, Hyuck,” He deadpans. “What about you?”

“I’m doing alright. I came out to my parents.”

Jealousy spreads through his entire system at Donghyuck’s news. He tries to endure it and forces himself to be happy for his friend.

_Are we still friends?_

“I’m so happy for you,” He exclaims with strained excitement. “Really, I am.”

“I told Mark and Chenle too.”

“How’d that go?”

“I cried about it to them and they said it’s alright. It doesn’t matter if I like girls or boys because I’d still be the same Lee Donghyuck. Right?”

Renjun sighs. “Right.”

“Have you figured it out yet?” He asks Renjun like he was walking on eggshells. Donghyuck probably is. It’s that one question that is going to push Renjun on the edge. He was going to combust soon.

Renjun was envious of Donghyuck for facing this crisis head on. He was daring and unafraid while Renjun was cowering behind his feelings. He was afraid of acceptance.

He shakes his head and grimaces. “How did you come to terms with it? Like, figuring out that you like boys?”

“It’s not something I can control, Renjun. The earlier you accept it, the easier it’s going to be. If you’re afraid of what other people will say and think about you then I think you should just stop caring about them.”

“That’s easier said than done, you know this.”

“Exactly, it’s gonna take time. Don’t rush everything. We’re still only sixteen, we have all the time in the world to make sense of our identities.”

Renjun huffs and anxiously picks on the skin around his fingernails. Donghyuck seemed to pick up on this, so he grabbed Renjun’s hand.

“It always starts with you, Renjun. I didn’t come out to my loved ones until I was sure of everything,” He says, a sage tone coating his voice. “In the end, you’ll only have yourself. The others are just gonna follow, and they have no choice and say in who you’ll be.”

Renjun mulls it over and he just wants to cry. The nagging feeling that’s telling him to not embrace his true self is just there. It comes back in the times he thinks he’s ready to face all of his demons.

“Jun, I don’t like watching you hurt because of things that are out of your control. I’ve found my peace and I hope— God, I pray— that you find yours,” Donghyuck says, standing up.

Renjun just wordlessly gazes at him. He bends down to press a kiss on Renjun’s temple and to whisper his last word.

“I like you so, so much Renjun. Come find me when you’ve figured it out.”

And with that, Donghyuck retreats and leaves him there.

It took Huang Renjun two years to have it all figured out. Gone was the boy who sobbed every night because he couldn’t stand to think about who he truly is. Gone was Huang Renjun who tried to deny himself happiness and acceptance.

Two painful years.

After his last talk with Donghyuck, he gathered the courage to face everything he was afraid of. He started with facing his own demons, that alone took him so many months. It consumed him in every waking moment but now it’s gone.

He came out to his mother who wholeheartedly told him that he will always remain her baby no matter who he likes or no matter what he chooses to do in his life. She assured him that he was not a bad person.

In fact, she’d tell him that he was deserving of love and happiness as much as the next person because he was Huang Renjun.

The person who lights up her world.

He came out to his best friend, Yangyang who just told him that he was going through the same thing. This time, he joins him and helps him through it. He learned from the last time and that was the thing he regretted the most.

When he let Donghyuck suffer alone.

The only thing he’s left to face is going back to the town to conquer the biggest entity that he’s been avoiding.

He didn’t want to present himself to Donghyuck when he wasn’t a hundred percent certain about the things he’s about to say. He deserves that much.

On the bus ride there, he practices his apology, and all of the things he wanted to say for so long. He runs over every detail of his speech in his brain that he thinks he’s going to ace it.

_Thank you for believing in me_

_I’m sorry it took me this long_

_I love you_

He always promised Donghyuck he would come back. He just hopes this time isn’t different.

To say that Renjun is excited was an understatement. In retrospect, he had been so eager to tell everything to Donghyuck, all logic and sense flew out of his mind.

After going down the bus, he runs to the gingko tree that overlooks the barn and the lake, and waits a little there. Trying to manifest Donghyuck like he was some magical creature.

He probably was.

To his chagrin, there was no one.

He runs to the hill where he spent nights stargazing, explaining the color wheel to Donghyuck or talking about all his dreams and aspirations. No one was there as well.

The other didn’t appear like the other circumstances they’ve been there.

He runs to the pond where he first met Donghyuck, hoping that he’d be there with his clanky guitar or his flower-infused books. But then there wasn’t any sign of him anywhere.

He wipes the sweat that formed on his brow bone and drinks the water in his flask. Never until now did it occur to him that Donghyuck could just be at home.

Renjun is so unhinged, it was almost—almost— laughable. Tired from all the running, he walks to the Lee household and rings their doorbell.

He was hoping for a particular honey-skinned boy to come out, but it was his mother who came and greeted Renjun.

“Renjun?” She queries. “Renjun! It is you!”

“Hi auntie,” He grins at her charmingly. She opens the gates and lets him inside.

“It’s been so long!” She exclaims. “You’ve grown so well.”

He smiles cheekily and bows, thanking her.

“What are you here for, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I’m here for Donghyuck.”

Her eyes widen a little and she shakes his head. “I’m afraid he’s not here anymore, dear. My Hyuckie just moved to Seoul for college.”

“What?”

“I’m guessing he forgot to tell you? That boy, he forgets a lot of things really. He was really excited to move out here. I told him to go, you know. He has nothing waiting for him here,” She rants, endeared by her son.

He missed him, Renjun really missed him. The timing of it all is unfortunate.

“Anyway, would you like some sandwiches? I made some, you look starved.”

His train of thought cuts off as he forces a genuine smile at her. “That would be nice, auntie.”

He catches the next bus back to Seoul and dejectedly scraps everything he wanted to say. He really can’t believe the timing of it all but he guesses that the universe might have a different plan for the both of them.

The chances of him meeting Donghyuck in Seoul is low but never zero.

By the time he knows it, he’s already a freshman in college. Yangyang moved to Germany for this foreign exchange program, leaving him alone to fend for himself in the giant city campus. Renjun was used to it, he thinks.

College was such a fresh start for him. For all the different flavors of joy, this might be his favorite. Not that he is a masochist, it was a completely different feeling from that. The college buildings towered over him, people chatted around him, some students rushing from building to building. It was the hustle and bustle but never did he feel lonely. He enjoyed feeling small and feeling like there was so much to explore.

So many things to experience, to accept.

Perhaps he got this wanderlust when he spent time with Donghyuck as a kid. Finding kingdoms in the middle of fields, talking to tadpoles, and hiking up hills ignited this kind of behavior in him.

Speaking of Donghyuck, Renjun misses him so much but he knows there is always a time that they will meet again.

It’s all a matter of whether they still look up at the same sky.

Renjun thinks about it as he sits under the cherry tree in the heart of the campus, sketching the facade of the building in front of him for his drafting class. He thinks about the big gingko tree but this will do.

Amidst his peaceful sketching session, his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He reluctantly fishes it out of his pocket and answers the person calling.

“Yes?” He sighs. The other person— Na Jaemin, his roommate— just giggles sheepishly.

“I think I put my binder in your backpack.”

“Okay, wait let me check.” Renjun pulls his bag and opens it to see a bright pink notebook there. He rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Yeah, it’s here.”

“Okay, awesome! I’m on the second floor of the library,” he mutters. By the time they hang up, Renjun’s already walking to the other side of their college.

“Jaemin, where are you?” He asks the boy on the phone as he scans all of the tables. Not seeing Jaemin anywhere, he walks over to the aisles to look for the certain pink haired boy.

“I’m in the scien-”

“Wait, I gotta get back to you on that,” He utters, hanging up on Jaemin who was sputtering questions at him. He carefully walks over to the boy who was looking through pages of a fairytale novel.

Hyuck.

His feet halt just far enough for Donghyuck to notice him creepily gawk at him. He turns his head to Renjun who was just awkwardly holding a hot pink binder.

Like old times, his eyes shined and sparkled and beamed through Renjun’s soul.

“Renjun, hi,” He smiles handsomely, eyes turning into beautiful half moons. It seemed as if the world around them didn’t exist, and time stopped only for them.

Like they owned the world again.

“Hello, how are you?”

**Author's Note:**

> You can reach and dm me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/doyoungagenda)! Tell me if you want me to release the secret chapter I wrote on a whim hehe don't be shy let's be friends >< ALSO DON'T FORGET TO SUPPORT RESONANCE PT. 2


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